Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Never mind those 2 N.K. subs that are missing, and more than likely are on there way to San Francisco.

   Sitting here watching "Undercover Boss" thinking.. Guy shows up at your job with a camera crew, screws everything up, gets you to reveal secrets about your personal life.. If you can't figure out what's going on, there's no hope left for you..

   If North Korea attacks, there won't be a war. The counterattack will go down in history as a case of assisted suicide.

   Target: 50 shades of Manatee Gray

   You don't just spontaneously end up this drunk at this hour. It takes several years of practice.

   Old movies make train travel look so romantic, but who in this day and age has time to solve a murder mystery?

   If anyone sees my TV remote control can you tell it I simply want to know if it's safe and happy.

   I'm not really anti abortion, I'm more pro stupid people not having babies...

   You realise Sylvester Stallone is already working up a script for getting a group of prisoners out of post war North Korea

   Not everyone you like will like you back and vice versa. Such is life. Sounding bitter and whiny about it probably won't help your cause.

   If we used our words more often for good things, what a wonderful place this could be.

   Everyone's so busy judging who gay people can marry, and yet not ONE of you stopped me from marrying the wrong guy. Thanks a lot a$$holes.

   Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.

   All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.

   I'm being really funny in real life so I don't have the time to write it all down for you guys

   I keep a xylophone on me at all times,, just incase I have to tip toe anywhere

   Relationship status ☐ Seeing someone ☐ Not seeing anyone ☐ Your mother is a wh*re ☑ SHUT THE F&CK UP, I'M WATCHING THE BATMAN TRILOGY!

   I'm not saying your wife is fat but her best side is cole slaw.

   If you controlled them they wouldn't be impulses aymore now would they

   Why are the same people that complain about all the Wal Marts okay with a Starbucks on every block??