Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Squirrels are just rats who blow dry their tails.

   When I say "I did laundry," I say it in a voice that infers that I just spent 12 hours beating the clothes against rocks near a remote creek

   When I was younger, I lived in downtown San Diego. I was a chubby little white boy trying not to be noticed by the local gang groups. When they did notice me one day, I was scared. Until they tried to take my Pokemon Gold game. Nearly beat them to death.

   The only thing I spill when I'm drinking is my reputation...

   Don't worry guy's, my family could hold off North Korea by ourselves......

   Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.

   If you text someone to tell them you’re standing outside of their house instead of knocking on the door, then you probably text too much.

   Being afraid of North Korea is like calling the FBI because someone threatened you in a YouTube comment.

   WebMD needs to add the question “Have you eaten Taco Bell today?” when asking about stomach-related symptoms.

   Four things that can never be recovered: the stone after it’s thrown, the word after it’s spoken, the occasion after it’s missed, and the time after it’s gone.

   Hey North Korea. Do you even lift bro?

   I'm pretty sure the Salvation Army could kick North Korea's a$$...

   Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world

   I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.

   Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."

   Maybe we should just crop dust North Korea with Chronic Smoke! Just calm that whole area down a bit! I'm sure Colorado could support the mission......

   White Castle is down to their last pound of ground beef. That ought to be good for another million burgers.

   Everyone needs to understand that the whole world is being played.

   WWlll is coming. Get your temple in order. And stop believing the media. All media is responsible for the way you think.

   The South Koreans should do a psy-op on the North Koreans by placing massive TV’s at the border blasting Gangnam Style on a continuous loop.