Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Are rectal thermometers filled with Freddie Mercury?

   In a relationship you'll find either your soulmate or your cellmate.

   I don't argue with people who I can remove from my life by pressing a button.

   Sick of having to go to 2 different huts to buy pizza & sunglasses.

   I just launched a new fragrance! - a great way to announce a fart

   Girls: All guys are a*seholes!. Me: Nooo they're not, I'm right here!!!! :(

   A study shows that breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness…from all the free drinks.

   Just sat up to reach for the TV remote. My abs are going to be crazy sore tomorrow!

   Everything has gone to hell ever since Dennis Rodman visited North Korea, I wonder what he told them

   scoopable cat litter makes me feel like the worst gold miner ever!

   I just downloaded the bible on my I-Pad. Now I have a good excuse to bring my I-Pad into church!

   The after Easter prices of Cadbury Eggs and Peeps are one of life's simple but not quite free pleasures.

   I am bacon level happy.

   North Korea is becoming like that one person on your friend list that always threatens to close their FB account from lack of attention...

   Did you know it's physically impossible for 3 women to take a photo together and not do the Charlie's Angels pose?

   Note to the woman in front of me buying a book called, "This Is Why You're Fat" and a Godiva chocolate bar: this is why.

   Dear Kim Jong Un, Mr Dennis Rodman didn't impress you? Well here let me introduce you to US Naval Seal Team 6!!

   If you think the USA can shoot down nuclear missiles fired by North Korea just remember we couldn't even have lights at the Super Bowl.

   holds twitter under black light.... Gross.

   The only charities I've donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.