Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you love her then you should hold her hand in public because women need to be lead around by a man or they will have no clue what to do.

   A great white shark is just a normal shark with khakis and a high credit score.

   Just ate my toothbrush to clean those hard-to-reach places.

   If I told you that you had a beautiful body would you hold it against some other guy while I'm out at work just trying to provide for us?

   They should have travel agents for poor people who offer affordable weekend getaways to the homes of people who can afford to go on vacation

   I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, 4 cd's, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.

   Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.

   I think of my whole day as "puttering around before bed".

   I hope he buys you flour, I hope he greases your pan.

   Welcome to April! The month when nobody watches "Harlem Shakes Videos" anymore... so, why is the song on the Hot 100 spot of Billboard?

   The easiest way to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

   Rumors are a lot like buttcheeks because once you spread them, someone's a$$ is about to get hurt.

   I'm convinced...you can set up a profile, put up a pic of a t-urd in a skirt and hi heels wearing make-up, and some l0ser on fb will comment..."UR BEAUTIFUL!"

   Just imagine for a moment, if you can, a world without hypothetical situations.

   I hate arrogant people who think no one but themselves.They're like criminals.

   US Marine SGT Michael Cable died in Afganistan today, but yet all I see on the TV is people mourning a drunk hillbilly....

   I know,,,, Let's vote the pool water off that new celebrity diving show

   If you can throw a brick, liquor stores are open 24 hours.

   You look over-medicated. What's your doctor's name?

   Imagine 15 million people calling each other stupid. That's what it's like to live in Texas.