Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Nicki Minaj, Justin Bieber and One Direction walk into a bar. There's no punchline because ruining music isn't funny......

   I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the 'Downward Dog' on top of another person.

   It seems like my life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.

   Check out a new church for the first time for Easter Sunday. When the pastor said, "would all the first time visitors please stand up", The whole church stood up with me! (Ö_Ö)

   I called my work this morning and said, "Sorry, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough." He said, "You have a wee cough?" I said, "Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!"

   I promised my boss i'd come in early for work on monday Aint that a great April fool's prank......

   Right to bear arms meant only muskets? Is like saying right to free speech only meant the old English spoken in 1700s....

   I dont have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bulllllshhhiittttts!

   Good News to a Pastor: The Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks. Bad News: The pastor was on vacation.

   11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.

   April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.

   April fool's day idea: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says "Now voice activated!" Sit back & watch the magic unfold.

   Not only is it April fools day. Did you know today is offially national egg salad lunch day. . .

   I've been checking the box at the fire department but there's never any babies in it.. Whoever's beating me to it..YOU CAN ONLY TAKE ONE PER VISIT.

   I'm glad I don't work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches.

   I just f@rted so hard, my bluetooth rattled and my phone gave me directions to 3 area hospitals

   I went to the mall today and the power went out, I was stuck on the escalator for 30 minutes.

   April Fools Day: Don't believe anyone or anything...like you should any other day.

   Why does Mike Tyson Cry during sex...... MACE LOL

   Took the stairs at work today. Not to be healthy, because the elevator smelled like boiled egg farts...