Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "... okay, if it's a girl, we'll name her Serena Williams but if it's a boy we'll call him, Serena Williams..."

   I wanted to smoke weed with this cute Mexican girl I work with today. But when I asked her if she had papers, she took off sprinting.

   I always wondered how pregnancy tests work, is it blue it's a boy? Pink it's a psycho?

   I'm shocked Barbara Walters is retiring. I thought she was dead...

   Dear fellow countrymen, please watch Press TV now! Lot of smart America ns being interviewed (regarding korea war)which you will never see in major media networks.

   Didn't leave home today. It was too peopley out there.

   Churches-Some of the most beautiful ornate building that house the most ugly & bitter people that hate life & want you to hate it too

   I didn't say you are perfect, b!itch, I said you are a perfect b!itch!

   GIRLFRIEND: “You're leaving after I gave you the best years of my life?” ME: “If those were your best, then I ain’t sticking around for your worst.”

   After sex, I've the same problem as a murderer; what to do with the body.

   I wish FB would charge to create a profile so there wouldn't be so many dumb ass profiles...

   This Jesus guy, no wonder women worship him. How long has it taken his 2nd coming?

   may your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it on facebook

   I always wondered how pregnancy tests work, is it pink it's a girl? Blue it's a psycho?

   "Just because it's on the Internet doesn't make it true" - Albert Einstein

   My dog has learned a lot of tricks.... But it's funny, I dont remember him watching me licking my balls.????

   When I need you, I just close my eyes and down some painkillers with a glass of vodka on the rocks- and suddenly I don`t need you anymore.

   Partying on my level requires years of traning

   Lost another FB friend to employment.

   Just think,, right now,,, somewhere in China,,, someone is wokking their dog