Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I love when you say something that is just dripping with sarcasm and people still can't figure it out.

   Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it back.

   Daily Random 'F*ck You': To those people that get a puppy or kitten because they're so cute but then get rid of them when they grow into adult animals, F*CK YOU!

   Sitting at my daughter's pretend restaurant.... The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.

   Uh Oh...just what we need, a Pope with a Foot Fetish

   Prostitutes are buysexual

   After having sex with a lady the polite thing to say is "It was nice to meat you."

   When dropping off prescriptions for two people with the same name...make sure the dates of birth are correct. Apparently my 12 year old is on Blood Presure meds now...

   If you don't believe in same sex marrriage, don't marry someone of the same sex! It's simple! As for Gay adoption hurting Children? Since when is it better to be an orphan then to have two mommies? -_-

   I'm thinking I've swung back to hating everyone. Phew glad I'm over that selective phase I had there.

   Time to start pro-caffeinating before I start procrastinating for the day.

   Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman's mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. Time.

   Apparently every time I smoke a cigarette in the house my three-year-old son also smokes one. The crafty little kid.

   You can never read a doctor's prescription, but you can sure read his bill

   A dental assistant is nothing more than a dentist's roadie

   Man talking with his friend: "My wife died yesterday, I'm trying to cry but tears are not coming out, what should I do?" Friend: "That's simple. Just imagine she is coming back."

   The Pope washes and kisses women feet. I think the Pope has just found a discreet way to enjoy his foot fetish without raising any eyebrows.

   When you're an Atheist, every Friday is good and nobody has to die.

   HUGH HEFNER - Apparently, having sex with a lot of different women can extend your like. I wonder why I'm not dead yet.

   I am not religious but I am grateful for this easter holiday, in fact I am grateful for any holiday that mean I dont have to go to work.