Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Alphabet soup is just soup when you can't read

   It should be a rule that if you dress up like a sea captain, you get a free dinner at Red Lobster. I'll pay this time, but I'm not happy.

   It's ironic that you mean "coincidental" when you said "ironic" because, ironically, you dont know the definition of "irony."

   I feel so blessed that the government protects my family and I from the dangers of gay marriage so we can safely go buy some assault weapons

   Wearing gray sweats and a RoadHouse shirt today if any of your kids need a role model.

   Beauty and the Beast is my favorite fairy tale about beastiality

   Doctors report a spike in Harlem Shaken Baby Syndrome....

   i love when my parents go away and leave me money for food.. little do they know I spend it on drugs and alcohol!

   I'm not sure if Internet p@rn has really ruined any relationships but I'm sure it's ruined some keyboards.

   Easter: The day Jesus slapped YOLO in the face.

   I went to a club and they played “The Twist”, so I did the twist. They played “Jump”, so I jumped. They played “Come on Eileen”… I got kicked out for that one.

   If you're for gay marriage then you are also for hurting children. Kids need a mother and a father:not two dads or two moms. There is no arguing this fact.

   I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.

   I've discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I'm probably going to die alone.

   I'll listen to your views on climate change right after you shovel my driveway.

   I'm just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.

   Nothing tells your friends you've made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.

   Most gay couples don't have children of their own. You can't really cabby legitimately use that to argue your homophobic argument.

   ~ Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls ≧◔◡◔≦ EEeeeeeee ~

   People that tell me they never use dirty words must be boring as hell in the bedroom. What do they scream? "Touch my no-no and make me squish-squish?"