Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm guessing if we see pink smoke, that will mean the justices has reached a decision?

   Ladies, finding a man is easy. Just chill with the insecurities and talk less. Keeping a man is easy too. Learn to cook and scuk his dcik…

   After I do something I compliment myself in my mind using the voices of people I know.

   so, you graduated from the school of hard knocks? Wow, very impressive...can I sleep with you??

   Yo mama is so ugly that she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.

   I save a lot of money on therapy because my childhood imaginary friend earned his PhD in psychology.

   I don't care if you are gay or straight, I will do my best to talk you out of getting married equally.

   Can you guys in a relationship stop bragging please? Not all of us have a cat.

   I really want to rent a hot air balloon. Or at least a moderately attractive air balloon with a great personality.

   I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....

   Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!

   FACT; Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea.

   having my phone number is like having a direct line to God, But better, because I answer.. .

   Sometimes for fun I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they open the door,,, I say, "Hey! Sorry I'm late."

   funny, I see anyone wearing those "LiveStrong" wristbands anymore...

   Might name my kid puberty, so everyone can hit puberty

   I can't wait for summer in Canada............. I hear it's gonna be on a Saturday this year

   jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Makes animal noises whenever someone approaches

   Dental Assistant aka The one who passes things to the dentist