Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy

   Nissan Titan commercials make it seem as if hauling loads of crumbled boulders over mountainous terrain is a commonly-practiced thing.

   March. In like a lion, out like a...hang on...wind chill of 34 degrees here in Orlando right now?....Okay....in like a lion, out like a Honey badger.

   Why do blacks only get February but every month is Truck Month??

   If you can't be manipulated, you're not in love.

   When girls have a long list of "must haves" they "aren't settling". When guys do it they are "too picky"...

   interesting how Tiger Woods gets a girlfriend, starts having sex again and starts winning again...

   If the Supreme Court sides with marriage equality and tosses out the DOMA there are going to be a lot of butt-hurt people.

   I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it's two boobs.

   I've met some real pricks in my time but you my friend are the cactus.

   You young punks are sissyfied... so quick to pick up a gun and scared to take an ass whippin'

   Red dawn should make US Citizens realize how the rest of the world feels with their ridiculous unjustifiable attacks!

   People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn't agree.

   The doctor just told my girlfriend and I that the baby is going to be born prematurely. Like father, like son.

   I am a simple person with a complicated mind.

   First, there was Planking, then Owling and Milking, now there's Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be Thinking, that would be great!

   anybody else worried about the lack of toilets on the star ship enterprise?

   I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?

   If I were a spider, I would spice up my résumé by listing myself as a web developer.

   I saw a fat girl at the gym today. She had an iPad strapped to her arm.