Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.

   Lost in all this marriage debate are the Tranny's. Who can they marry, either sex or neither sex??

   I wonder if the new popemobile will be a low rider??

   GREAT!! now everytime I see someone on tv trying to save someone elses life. all I'm gonna hear in my head is "Staying Alive"

   Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.

   It’s a little difficult to worry about starving children in Africa when we still have people in America using flip phones.

   I wonder how many times Jesus ran out of the room crying and screaming “You’re not even my real dad, Joseph.”

   While "suck my d-ick" is an insult, "lick my p-ussy" sounds more like an invitation.

   ME: When is "trash day?"............ NEIGHBOR: Umm,,, we don't observe "trash day"

   Only because I take things ever so personally, from now on, when someone posts FML, I'll assume they mean "Fermenting My Liver."

   This morning I woke up with a HUGE smile on my face....frickin’ neighbor kids and their Sharpies......

   The worst part about make up sex is when your girlfriend walks in and you have her lip stick in your butt.

   "Because all men - honey, I tell you aaaallllll men - are created equal." -Hair. And I think some other historical document. But mostly Hair.

   People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.

   Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.

   Someday I want to be rich enough where I can do things like accidentally drop my new cell phone into a public toilet and not even consider fishing it out.

   The United States is the land of freedom. Not free stuff!

   I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drinking enthusiast!

   I want to be a Disney Princess... Mostly so I would have random animals help me with my housework

   I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright