Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Here is an Easter time saving tip - don't waste time coloring the eggs. It will make them easier to hide in the snow...

   Don't get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.

   I think Wynonna has been "Snacking With The Stars".....

   So if Jesus doesn't see his shadow when he comes out of his cave this Sunday, does that mean we get 2,000 more years of hell on earth?

   I’m having potato salad for lunch. Well, potatoes and olives. Fermented potatoes. I’m having a vodka martini for lunch.

   Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of martinis as “Plan B”

   I just saw the Easter Bunny buying Easter Grass and Rolling Papers at the corner store.

   My dream job is to be that guy at the mall who plays with those remote controlled helicopters all day.

   Im single by choice. Not 100% my choice, but still a choice!

   ''The corrupt fear us,the honest support us,the heroic join us.'' - V for vendetta

   The stores are packed with folks gearing up for their Easter fashion shows, the same way they do for Christmas. The central figure for both these holidays was reduced to wearing a loin cloth for one, and swaddling for the other.

   I used to work for a psychic, and when I quit I didn't have to give two weeks notice.

   I believe in love at first sight, and love at last call.

   I got kicked out of the supermarket for comparing apples and oranges. Manager said "you can't do that cause it would be like co..forget it."

   I want to walk up to your dad, kick him square in the nuts and ask him WHY.

   99% of my wardrobe consists of T shirts. This of course got me to thinking....aren't ALL shirts T's? Anyone out there who doesn't have a bilateral symmetry form and is instead shaped like a "W"?

   Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don't want to see naked. . .

   I donated blood today. Now I can be secure in the knowledge that somewhere, some fortunate person will wake up from an operation with the sudden ability to dance badly, sing off key loudly, and giggle a lot as they walk into things. And a hangover.

   When I diet, I lose weight in my face and middle first. So basically after a month or so, the only thing people see are my arms, legs, and moobs.

   Why does everything at my house involve a battery that needs charging?