Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Happy Single Guys Day everyone....................Palm Sunday.

   I am having so much fun and enjoying my life right now that I would be really pissed if I were to die.

   Dear Youtube, I can deal with Ads. I can deal with Buffer. But when Ads Buffer, I suffer!

   "Why is Justin Bieber so pale?" "Because there's no sun in the closet"

   The hands that help others in need are holier than the lips that pray.

   March 24. Springtime. Cold, windy, and snow... But this groundhog stew is DELICIOUS!

   Florida Folks: "♫ ♫ We have joy, we have fun, we have seasons in the sun. ♫ ♫" Up North Folks: "F**k you, Florida."

   Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye AFTER you hit send.

   I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig... It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

   A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

   I like how ninja turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity. It's not like you're a giant turtle or anything.

   The man who created knock knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize.

   Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)

   please let me blow it before you stick it in. (classic nintendo cartridge)

   Me- I kinda like this girl Girl- Really? Who ???? Me- Ummmmm She kinda looks like you Girl- aww is it me? ;) ♥ Me- No!! Your sister lol

   Jesus changed your life? My remote's broken.You think you can get him to change the channel?

   Facebook asks me "Whats on my mind" so I post whats on my mind. If you don't like it, you know where the unfriend and block option is

   Got the shivers while peeing.....thank goodness for decorative towels.

   I am only going to say this once. I want the video involving me, the Cadbury Bunny and the marshmallow Peeps returned to me by tomorrow. No questions asked.

   My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I'm Just Napping