Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.

   Bruno Mars has the voice of an angel and the lyrics of a 13 year old girl.

   Still haven't answered my life's calling... I've always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.

   there are two types of people...don't worry you are not one of them.

   Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.

   I believe every single word you say. It's when you put them together to form a sentence that I think it's bullshit.

   Ladies, hide the crazy while you lure us in...JS

   better to let people know you're crazy up front than to be an imposter

   if your hot enough, being crazy won't effect luring a man in

   Hush little laptop dont you cry mommas gonna find you some more wifi

   "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer: "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

   I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.

   Have you ever slept so hard that you worry about whether or not the creases on your face will go away?

   as a kid my mom used to tell us kids "i dont want to hear a peep"....i just listened to the easter basket & I dont hear anything

   I'm a really nice guy before you get to know me.

   You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.

   I don't think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.

   nobody, and I mean nobody has less street cred than a brother named Cody...

   Hope I never go to jail,, because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2003.

   Most people's religion or faith has a switch which they can conveniently switch on and off whenever it suits them.