Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.

   Today a great American died one who did extensive research in the gag reflex for year, RIP Harry Reems

   Revenge is sweet. Sit back, relax and watch their Karma do all the work, than I can say I told you so...

   Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.

   Tiger Woods is now dating Lindsey Vonn, they met while she was skiing down a mountain of women he just slept with

   Thursday evening is when I am at my most sober. Hate it more than Mondays.

   It is spelled, "you're" an idiot....idiot.

   I'm not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD

   Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don’t, raise your standards.

   I’m not saying she’s a slut, but she’s been banged more times than a snooze button on Monday morning.

   I don't run away from my problems. That's immature. I ignore them.

   Blood really is thicker than water...this bathtub has been draining for over an hour now...

   Some days I don't know why I even put my cape on.

   Why do I have to add my birthday to your calendar? It's on my page.

   Everyone be quiet for a minute. A stupid person's trying to think of something clever to say.

   At least I care enough to go through the motions

   I read the obituaries for motivation.

   I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.

   Sometimes a guy will say he’s “fine” when in fact he’s actually fine.

   it's unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.