Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I cut my finger on a beer can last night. Now I know how Julius Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend.

   My kid is almost old enough for social media, so we'll need to have "the talk" soon. You know, about your/you're and there/their/they're.

   Watching the news... Oh Look its a new report in India... AAaaand Its RAPE!

   If your legs open up faster than Google's homepage., you are a wh0re.. :)

   Carnival to Rename Cruise Ships 'floating nightmare 1, floating nightmare 2, floating nightmare 3, floating nightmare 4, floating nightmare 5 etc. etc. etc.'

   I can't afford a Carnival Cruise this year so I'm just going to hang out at a Porta-Potty near the beach.

   You say, "Boys. Always respect a girl that's been single for over a year. Because it means she not co-dependent ."This is not true again; she is actually dependent on her vibrator!!

   Just lost 50 lbs. Time to put it all back on again.

   Can't afford a Carnival Cruise? just camp out next to a Port-a-Potty.

   the first snow of spring is always the most beautiful

   I hear Katy Perry hired Taylor Swift to write her a break-up song. Adele is producing...

   Heck,,, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.

   Listen SNOW, unless your singing "Informer" no one wants to see you right now... First day of spring my ass..

   The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.

   Could someone please call Al Gore and ask him to turn global warming back on?

   Just saw a woman post in search of "breastfeeding equipment." Weird. I thought she should already be equipped.

   so KimYe are planning to name their baby North, I think South is more fitting though.

   Taylor Swift - 22 going on 14.

   WARNING TO YOUNG BOYS: Axe is NOT a substitute for a bath/shower.

   What kind of streets do zombies like the best?… Dead ends