Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The worst part about banging a chinese women is half hour later you want to bang another ..

   I've never been that "Super Thug gangsta, keep going to jail type of black guy" I'm more of a "keep a steady job, continue college, love God and my country type of black guy" regardless I still love fried chicken and watermelon.. keep it real my friends

   It's mean to give a homeless person money for food without giving him money for a phone too... How do you expect him to Instargram the food?

   Telling an atheist to respect your religion is like telling a black person to respect the KKK.

   I opened up Microsoft Word, sneezed all over my keyboard, I accidently made a Honey Boo Boo reality show script.

   So the Clinton's postion on gay marriage has "evolved" and they are now in support of it. I'm confused, haven't they been in a gay marriage since 1975

   Does anyone know how much water I'm supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?

   You can lead a human to knowledge.... but you can't make them think.

   If I ever have an ugly child there is no way in hell they're going to find out about "Bring Your Child To Work" day.

   I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn't be allowed to leave Wal Mart.

   The girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.

   My wife announced that she was leaving me because of my obsession with baking. I said, "there's no knead for that cupcake..."

   Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.

   If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to "Widowed", it's time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.

   You had me at "I've got weed."

   I answer the door with a nal beads and whiskey so when the Jehovah's come they know what they're in for.

   The Surgeon General has declared that cigarettes can harm your children....... Fair enough. I'll start using an ashtray!

   They should give the girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor a cat.

   Boys. Always respect a girl that's been single for over a year. Because it means she not co-dependent

   I'm not saying she's a slut, but she's been banged more than a snooze button on Monday morning.