Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just read a story in a magazine that a woman is claiming she was raped by an alien.. Big Deal!.. So was Lady Gaga's mother

   When are Victoria Secret catalogs going to be scratch n sniff?

   Today is going so slowly my life is flashing before other people's eyes.

   All new Hell's Kitchen tonight. Going to get into the spirit by hanging out in the kitchen and scream at my wife while she cooks dinner.

   I'm too sober for this sh*t

   I'd never tell anyone to go to hell, but I might suggest a Carnival Cruise....

   A hard-0n doesn't count as personal growth.

   I've always been told to dress for the job you want. I love my cape

   Luke 6:27 But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you....I got you a Carnival Cruise ticket

   The adventures of 'mom isn't home'... Today boys and girls, we learned what it feels like to stick your tongue into the vacuum cleaner hose...my 4 year old will never be the same...

   Dennis Rodman now has more international relations experience than most of Congress. Let that sink in for a minute.

   People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous

   If you want something to be misunderstood, post it on Internet.

   When I was 7 I saw a sign that said "ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES" and I thought...That's s huge amount of pressure to put on one kid

   Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...

   So I just Googled the Ten Commandments.... Wow, I am so screwed......

   I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved winning 7 Tour De France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.

   I think I'm emotionally constipated cuz I haven't been given a SHhhhit in days!

   Luke 6:27 But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. I got you a Justin Bieber CD.

   How come us regular folks don't have that luxury of choosing how we should be punished for our crimes like Lindsay Logan??