Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.

   Randomly digging holes. Want to know why. Come around and I'll fill you in.

   Definition of irony. Midget porn on the top shelf.

   Really cleav...klev......Intelagen.......Smart!

   Today, may you do all the things you said you'd do - and feel damn good about it.

   These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.

   Whenever I feel like cleaning, I lie down and the feeling goes away.

   Just made a Broman! It's exactly like a snowman except it's a black guy.

   Well 30min work-out along with some new Tae Kwon Do moves -CHECK! And just to think that was just trying to get the snow off my tires...

   Nothing screams 'America' like taking the elevator in a two-story building

   I have an eating disorder. I'm eating DIS order of wings, DIS order of pizza, and DIS order of ice cream.

   Sometimes a long distance relationship just means opposite ends of the couch.

   you don't have to say everything you think

   What a gorgeous day to walk around outside staring at my phone.

   You can have anything you want, if you lower your expectations enough.

   If everyone has a crack in their a$$, why are so many still full of $hit?

   It's all sh*ts n' giggles, until somebody giggles and sh*ts! :-O

   I think the phrase "there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide" originated from someone who farted in the shower.

   Life just handed me Lemon Pledge, I guess it wants me to dust.

   How the Syfy channel comes up with movie ideas: 1. Think of an animal or insect. 2. Make it 50 ft tall. 3. Eat a burrito.