Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Get out of my dreams and into my car. Get out of my car and into my bed. Get out of my bed, and out of my house. I gotta be up early.

   Some people will "LIKE" whatever you post on your wall....and it's probably not because they like or understand it ... but it is because "YOU" posted it.

   White smoke is coming out of my neighbor's house. He either elected a new Pope or he's got some good weed.

   Never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Unless their shoes are Crocs. Those as sholes can die in a fire.

   I'm Mexican, but not "cut your lawn" Mexican. I will, however, steal your job and live with 28 other people.

   Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.

   I'm white, but I'm not... Wait. "Friends" is on. I'll finish this joke later.

   Nicki Minaj's stylists must be exhausted from finding new and creative ways to hide her enormous camel toe.

   I don't know how to live, I'm just improvising from day to day.

   Error 404: Hugo Chavez Not Found

   His 'holiness'?? It seems Catholics have more love and respect for the Pope than they do for Jesus.

   After mating, the female praying mantis kills and eats the male. I guess she figured it's easier to get life insurance instead of fighting for child support from him later.

   How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? LOL don't be funny, feminists can't change anything.

   Dennis Rodman is visiting the Vatican as it elects a new pope. This doesn't sound good.

   It seems like around 90% of my work day is spent between the hours of four and five o'clock.

   I won employee of the month!!!.... again! I love being self employed.

   Sip hits the fan: Big Gulp 1, Bloomberg 0

   Dear pro athletes. It doesn't matter how big your contract is, in 5 years you'll be just as bankrupt...

   Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter? When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends' houses to show them the picture of your dinner? No? Me neither.

   Breaking News: Jesus being charged with manslaughter after Oklahoma woman let him take the wheel resulting in a head on collision.