Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions.

   You have to kill some brain cells if you want new ones to grow. It's called cognitive pruning.

   if you meet a single hot girl, turn and run like your balls are on fire!!

   Do not put a party hat on a cat. They are seldom in a party mood.

   There’s plenty of fish in the sea.. I just suck at fishing.

   Some things are better left unfed or ignored.

   Well,, If you're gonna be "Polically Correct" about the Pledge of Alliegance... You might as well be 'Geo-Politically correct" and change the Pledge to " One Nation,, under Canada"

   only Washington can call a decrease in the increase a budget cut...

   Screw Daylight Savings Time. Losing an hour on the weekend means we're one hour closer to Monday. Dammit.

   Please stop interrupting me while I am ignoring you.

   This job fair sucks... They don't have one ride...

   Well, today I found out that they don't like you to wear roller skates in the mall! Or maybe they were mad cuz I didn't have pants on.....not sure which one.

   Daylight Savings Time means I’ll be hungover one hour less than usual this Sunday.

   If chics would wear slut rings instead of mood rings it sure would save a lot of time.

   Dear family, thanks for putting my empty cereal box back in the cabinet. now I can have disappointment for breakfast..

   Discovery Channel - Conspiracies and Myths "Finding The Tooth Fairy" is on...... I hope they find her, that biotch still owes me money from when I was 6.

   I know someone, who knows someone else, who just happens to know someone. . .

   There’s plenty of fish in the sea, but who wants to date a fish. . .

   what time do they drop the ball to set our clocks ahead?

   yep, they started smoking at the Vatican.