Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sometimes when I'm bored, I order coffee at Starbucks and tell them my name is Bueller.....Then just leave!

   90% of the ocean remains unexplored and you're telling me mermaids don't exist?

   You're 15... You should be feeling butterflies in your tummy, not a baby kicking.

   I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.

   Note to self...apparently management doesn't find the game of hide-and-go-seek as amusing as I do....which sucks cuz I had an awesome hiding spot!!!

   today Obama signed the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)....is it still legal to tell my gf to make me a sandwich?

   knows a relationship is going well when she feels comfortable taking a crap at his place.

   All my favorite youth rebellion songs are written by old millionaires.

   Anyone else think instagram will change its business model and become the cocaine delivery service we all first thought it was?

   Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

   Romney or Obama....Romney or Obama. I'm just now getting the chance to vote. I LOVE living in Florida.

   Laxatives: check the traffic report before taking one.

   Pig: (noun) 1. Animal used for converting plants into bacon.

   Apparently this guy on the street was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad dude, my bad.

   I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.

   Random Happy Thought Factoid of the day: The Beatles used "love" 613 times in their songs.

   Have you ever seen a person who said "We have bigger fish to fry" actually frying a big fish?

   Busy planning my next big move. Do I lay on couch, or chill in the recliner? I've only got one shot at this, so I gotta make it count.

   I heard Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian never really got into high school. Which is not surprising as to why a lot of dudes got into them.

   People who throw foreign words into conversations to make themselves appear cultured are küntz