Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   PMS jokes aren't funny. Period!

   I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that's my stuff!"?

   Go to the train station and make eye contact with someone as the train pulls away and then chase after it it while yelling "I LOVE YOU!"

   I just got done doing 5 sets of diddly squats.

   FACT: With the exact same amount of $ the government spends to buy the Army an attack helicopter they could buy ME an attack helicopter

   The people that cheer and high five after their family member gives a dumb answer on Family Feud are better people than me

   Seemed to cruel to get my dog fixed. So instead I got him a really crappy haircut. And now he can't even get a date.

   Do you think in China the forklifts are called chopstick lifts?

   gets the feeling that I need coffee more than coffee will ever need me.

   Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it. Let's live in a homeless man's beard.

   paul bearer has sadly passed away, the undertaker will be handling the funeral arrangements

   i wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There's ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....

   Be beautiful on the inside.....eat more glitter!!

   To the douchebag who pushed me out of the way of the baggage carousel, remember what goes around comes around....

   I never drink, I only disinfect internal injuries.

   While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at thecovered places.

   THE WHOLE PROBLEM WITH THE WORLD IS THAT -fools are always so certain of themselves and wiserpeople so full of doubts

   Moving-on is like drinking a cough syrup, it tastes horrible but it's good for you.

   wearing Hugo cologne today like a boss.

   Whenever I see a big guy beating up a little guy I ALWAYS jump in to help cause there is NO WAY the little guy can take us both.