Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Common sense" is dead an buried. What we have today is "rare sense".

   From political deadlock to fiscal cliff to sequester, the American Soap opera "All my White House & Congress' failures" continues to draw national disappointments & worldwide miseries.

   I went to the bar last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so" I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!"

   I think it's safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.

   Tomato basil soup is just a fancy way to make people drink pizza sauce.

   "Girls Gone Wild"....Just Sequestered President Obama..I Betcha!

   I'm sorry I'm late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.

   According to Nostradamus Prophecies, Politicians can resist a Nuclear Winter, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, a direct Meteor Impact, the Jehovah's Witnesses & Mormons. But not a Sequester!

   Please help me! The invisible spider-monkeys are trying to sequester me!

   Just lit a cigarette off the stove...in case you were looking for someone with mad MacGyver skills.

   gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.

   What if at the end of Breaking Bad they drop Bryan Cranston into witness protection and that becomes the beginning of Malcolm in the Middle?

   every 60 seconds in Africa, A minute passes.

   I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there's an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.

   Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

   The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

   It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

   TSA to all pocket knifes on flights. Trying to appeal to the traveler that whittles.

   I had one of those days... kinda like a blind man seeing ur future,,,no like a blonde reading a book,,,nooo like a faT dude doing a speedo shoot,,,noooooo like a crack hoe selling avon.....THATS IT..... Its be a awesome day>>>>>>>

   Breaking News.... Jane Fonda and Dennis Rodman have been selected to act as Hugo Chavez's pall bearers at his funeral