Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A huge sink-hole opened up and swallowed a Florida redneck while he was watching TV in his bedroom...If only a few of these were conveniently located under the Whitehouse and Capitol Hill, America might be a better place...Just sayin.

   The Vatican removed Bishop Sicola from New York from the final candidate list for the papacy...... Apparently they thought it wouldn't seem proper to address the new pontiff as ''Pope-si-cola.''

   Be the person your dog thinks you are.

   I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop.

   According to a recent study, cockroaches can resist radiation, extreme temperatures, the apocalypse and 6 hours of Justin Bieber songs.

   I don't understand how a dog can eat it's own vomit, lick his own butt, eat all his crap & be fine & then they eat half a candy bar & die.

   Amazing how you can be first and everything and then last and nothing.....all with a blink of an eye..I hate video games!!

   Just because I pet your dog doesn't mean I want to talk to you, get over yourself smoking hot girl!

   I tried ordering one of Justin Bieber's CDs for my niece's birthday on Amazon. Amazon said "costumers who bought this also bought a rope and a stool."

   You never really forgive the friend who tricked you int0 watching "2 Girls 1 Cup".

   blocking ex's and their ugly gf's on fb feels so good

   I work out. Just kidding, I take naps.

   Confidence, arrogance, ignorance. These are all close cousins, beware.

   The only thing I’ve ever passed is out.

   I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.

   There's nothing louder than a guy who's losing at something.

   "Excuse me sir. Have you seem my pants?"

   So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.

   This guy doesn't appreciate me following him around with a barcode scanner but he should've thought of that before he got that stupid tattoo

   If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.