Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If your middle name is Lee, you probaby have an arrest record.

   Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.

   Too many faithful girls are single, and too many h&es are taken.

   I'm already sorry for what I'm going to do this weekend.

   When advertising your business on the side of your car it’s a good idea not to drive like a complete as&hole

   IKE if you love that feeling when you finally take your shoes off at the end of the day.

   Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.

   Thongs are like barbed wire fences. They protect the property, but don’t block the view.

   *Showering together* Girl: "Baby I want you to do bad things to me ;)" Guy: *Puts shampoo in her eyes*

   If you get cheated on over and over & you decide to stay with that person, You're a fuc&in idiot and deserve everything thats coming to you.

   If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it's a video about a guy who parties longer than everyone else.

   I am pretty sure that Dennis Rodman is qualified to be a Democratic Congressman from California'

   Lets flip a coin, heads I get tail, tails I get head.

   The President's claim that the economy is improving, and the news that "Girls Gone Wild" has filed for bankruptcy seem to fly in the face of compatibility.

   Boy nothing says band wagon than Harlem Shake.

   I told my wife I wanted to try anal sex, she said she's be having sex with an as*hole for years.

   That ackward moment when I'm no longer drunk and you're still a goat.

   Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man whose been single longer than 6 months.

   The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.

   I hope your couch pulls out cause I don't!