Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I don't realise how hyperactivity stupid I'm being until someone imitates me. :)

   The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.

   What did the black duck say to the white duck? What up quacker?

   I don't realise how hyperactively stupid I'm being until someone imitates me. :)

   I miss being late for work because of morning sex. Now, it's because I dress my cat as Gandolph.

   My doctor won't tell me the diagnosis unless I upgrade to Bonus Features.

   I waterboard my girlfriends until they tell me what's wrong.

   Just bought my " I survived black history month" T-shirt

   Sometimes the difference between pleasure and pain is one inch.

   The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.

   Internet explorer 10, because how else will you download Google chrome and Firefox?

   Insomnia is for people who haven't tried watching Keeping up with the Kardashians.

   Saw a man with a phone in a holster strapped to his belt, he did not admit I'm quite sure he's from the Old testament part of the bible.

   Browsers announce they have blocked pop up messages like they expect a congratulatory blow job after.

   Definition: Brain - Your body's hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.

   Sometimes the difference between pleasure and pain is one inch. The difference between being regarded flirtatious or a stalker is even shorter.

   Dear life, is this waking up in the morning thing really necessary?

   If people fall in love with you too late, don't accept that love; Its after effects are annoying. It means there are some hidden problems with you or with that person.

   Sometimes when you’re about to say you’re against abortion you hear a Justin Bieber song and you hold that thought.

   If this weekend were any shorter it would be called a Kim Kardashian marriage.