Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You know that relationship is doomed when you already have 400 couple's pictures and the relationship is only 30 days old.

   if your fiancée loses 30 lbs to get married, they’ll put 60 back on…

   Not sure which is worse: A dry hand job or turkey bacon...

   I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??

   Forget healthcare, welfare, and gun control.... if you want to get to the root of this countries problems, look no further than the people who use hashtags on Facebook.

   What’s with this “name an animal that doesn’t have an “A” in it? It's harder than you think!” How about effing Dog?? Seriously…

   Probably the worst thing than getting a wedgie from a school bully, was having him pull you're pants down in front of a girl you like.

   I asked Janet if she would hand me a cold bottle of water from the frig. she look and said the only thing cold is the Bud. That's ok I said same thing...

   I heard some people talking sh*t about you, they were saying you loved c*ck sandwiches, but I stuck up for you. I told them you don't even like sandwiches.

   It's a man's job to respect a woman. But, it's a woman's job to give him something to respect...

   Give a man a fish, And he'll eat for a day,,, turn a man into a fish, and I have NO IDEA I DIDNT EXPECT THAT TO WORK, KEEP SWIMMING GEORGE!! HOLD ON!?

   I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(

   The self checkout lane was probably invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.

   But Officer,,,, I was in the Gifted & Talented program, and I need to move at my own pace.

   I can't get a job ...because I don't have any experience! How will I ever get experience if no one gives me a chance!

   I should really start going to bed earlier so I have more time in the morning to be late for work.

   The number of people killed because alcohol is easily offset by the number of people conceived because of alcohol.

   I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it...

   To find Waldo, you must first find yourself

   I wish my nipples were half as sensitive as my FB friends.