Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why don't we throw the world's garbage in quicksand?

   Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside

   I'll fall for anybody that kisses my neck in the right spot So, yeah, I dated the goat from the petting zoo for a while.

   Calm down straight guys. 9 times out of 10, g ay guys are only staring at you because you look like sh it and we just wanna give you makeover.

   If you have a tattoo in a language you do not speak or understand, then yes I'm allowed to judge you.

   The other day I went so far back into someone's timeline I ended up on their MySpace page.

   I'll bet your Facebook relationship status would be a lot less complicated if you let him stick it in your ass.

   The adult way to end a relationship is to hide and hope it goes away.

   As sholes can only make women wet through the tear ducts.

   Having a bad day? For every episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, each Kardashian makes $80,000. I hope this cheered you up a little.

   Meanwhile, in Iran, shock as traces of beef are found in camel meat.

   Only 2 more days of black history month, thank god, I'm tired of eating chik and watermelon. Thats how it goes right?

   Your talking to blowjob ratio is way too high.

   Before Chris Brown did a concert with them,,, they were just known as "The Peas".

   I ran out of deodorant this morning, so I spritzed on some windex..... Now birds keep crashing into my armpits

   I love this oscillating fan 5 out of every 15 seconds

   Apparently, you no longer have to be 21 to consume Budweiser!

   At the Karma Cafe, there are no menus. You get served what you deserve.

   Apocalypse Update - Day 68 (Deep within my Command Bunker): Finally received a TV signal. The only channel I could get was "E" network. Kim Kardasian is knocked up!! The "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" begins!! Well played Mayans, well played!!

   I've been telling jokes about distance but I think this time I've gone too far.