Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Doctor: Are you sexually active? Me: No. I just lay there.

   First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!

   The wife thought she was having her first hot flash but it turns out that it was just her boob in her cup of tea.

   That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome

   a dentist and a manicurist had a fight. it was quite a battle,in fact they fought tooth and nail.

   The Daytona 500 is today. In related news, I'll be watching mold grow on some bread.

   What impresses me more than your facebook friend count hovering at around 5,000...are the same three people that post on your page.

   Cat + Laser = Loss of bladder control

   I'm sorry... But I would kick that Waldo's ass in Hide and Go Seek!

   I kinda miss theysayimspecial... He reminded me how much I hate to slam my finger in doors! A

   Danica Patrick's dad is probably the first father in history that's happy to see his daughter on the pole.

   What ship has never docked in Liverpool???? The premiership :) :) :)) :) :))) :)

   I guess there's some kind of driving contest going on in Florida...

   Poor people never, or hardly ever, ask for an explanation of all they have to put up with. They hate one another, and content themselves with that.

   Accidentally bought Nascar Oreos...Now I feel like White Trash

   I am really surprised that there are not more women race car drivers! Women drive all over town like race car drivers!

   I just watched 5min of The Daytona 500 and 3 of my teeth just fell out!

   Just got news Danica Patrick was beaten by 7 men today in Daytona

   Thinks some of the crowd left Daytona with skid marks in their pants

   The fact that Danica Patrick finished 8th, and is the most talked about driver in the Daytona 500 proves that no one actually cares about this silly non-sport.