Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'd say good morning but its clearly afternoon. Rough night.

   Good friends happen to good friends.

   NASCAR tickets: $240 Parking: $12 Refreshments: $80 Being in the front row and getting to take home a piece of the car. (imbedded in your spleen): PRICELESS

   Facebook: where all your stupid questions can be answered by stupider people.

   Why do they still print the phonebook? "Gee, thanks. Here's a large printed portion of the internet for me to throw away."

   Fighting on the internet is like the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.

   Hate watching Katt Williams on Comedy Central. All you hear is, "I *bleep* that *bleep* so hard that *bleep* got *bleep* up *bleep bleep bleepity bleep blap*." Just shouldn't play Katt on a censored station.

   why do ppl say they are "under the weather"?....unless ur an astronaut, were all under the weather

   MC Hammer arrested. STOP..... Slammer Time

   Why can't the devil just swallow his pride and beg GOD 4 forgiveness so we can all go back to the Garden of Eden & live happily NAKED.

   My theory is that Twilight was seen by only ten people who each watched it four million times.

   Kristen Stewart has the expression of a brick wall.

   I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.

   I would NOT have done well in the military. I’d always be saying things like “SIR LET’S JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE SIR!!!”

   I'm reading the ingredients on a can of dog food, and I'm shocked to see that 17% of it is "kids' homework".

   Shouldn't somebody else blow out the candles when it's a fireman's birthday?

   Pro Tip: Wear two eye patches,, so people know you're serious about being a pirate.

   Hey Jonah,,, Next time you’re swallowed by a whale, stand up through the blowhole like it’s a sunroof on a limo. Throw your arms up. Have some fun.

   I don't know much about the history of war, but Iwo Jima taught me one thing. those flags were really heavy back then.

   "You should go to church".... "Sunday is a day of rest"..... Well which is it? Make up your damn mind!