Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   At a job interview. "What would you say was your greatest weakness?" "Honesty." "I don't think honesty is a weakness." "I don't give a crap what you think."

   Relax. You’re not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings; we’re boozers, boozers go to parties.

   when I become CEO of Subway emploees will no longer be called sandwich artists the will be sub humans

   Forget the wild animals, aliens, ghosts, snakes or spiders; the greatest danger to a human being is another human being.

   Even the Fonz couldn't look cool chasing a ping pong ball.

   The Salvation Army is sponsoring a race car this year. It's a 1992 Chevy Lumina...

   I appreciate that Motel 6 will leave the light on for me, cuz otherwise, I'm certain I'd end-up decomposing in their water tank....

   GF: I wish you'd talk to me more about how you feel about the future. Me: I feel like wings and beers tonight...

   Drew Peterson will learn for 38 years that men's prison is a lot like Facebook... if someone really likes him, they'll poke him a lot.

   Next time someone tells you "Anything is Possible", tell them to go slam a revolving door...

   every time I see a Buick, I look to see if it's Shaq, but it always some old white guy...

   The internet: where everything is cats and God forbid you make a grammatical error.

   In deference to any Chinese hackers who may looking at my posts: for the remainder of the evening, I will be using ROR (Raff out Roud) instead of LOL for your convenience. You’re welcome.

   people who think their state is the only one with crazy weather also think New York is nothing but concrete and buildings...

   Everybody's got their own alcohol they won't ever touch again because of an awful teenage experience

   this status has been formatted to fit your screen

   Remember the old days? When you use to be able to throw a hooker out of a moving car, and they'd charge her with littering.

   I don't really hit women, I'm English, I get my butler to do it.

   This Lego d ildo wasn't a good idea at all.

   If only plastic surgeons also sold class.