Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!

   Why can't I be like the other guys that I know, and just be happy with an ugiy f@t girl?

   Weatherman are a little too excited to finally be right about predicting this big storm. You're still at 1% accuracy guys. Calm the $&#% down...

   Its just one of those days, there is a party in my pants and I wasnt even invited.

   a woman a day keeps the hand away

   Guys, don't hit your woman! Bottle that $hit up inside like a real man!!

   Commitment doesn't scare me, the thought of committing to the wrong person does.

   4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...

   Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”

   I’m totally gonna ask this lady breast feeding her baby, for a little squirt for my coffee.

   Opinions are like as sholes. I only listen to mine.

   It's okay that I touch my cousin's fake breasts because they aren't really hers, right guys?

   My cat is my date and we got asked to leave the Olive Garden. Probably because she's black.

   Lord, please forgive these gas prices, for they know not what they do to my pockets...

   It's not poetry, if it's not written in blood.

   So after breaking 7 out of 10 commandments this week I can still run for Pope, right?

   Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.

   If beer pong has taught me anything... it's that there's no cool way to chase a ping pong ball.

   Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.

   LeBron as good as Jordan?! Ha! Call me when LeBron saves the Looney Tunes from an alien race.