Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sean Connery's dog must get so confused when he yells for it to sit.

   I makes me sad to think that drug dealers know better math than I do.

   I have 250 mutual friends with this one guy on facebook. The weird thing is that I like all of them way better than him.

   If she takes off her heels to chase you, then you better call the police while you still can.

   People don't change... They just learn to lie better!

   First you have to tell 'em Santa's not real. Then you have to tell 'em Nicki Minaj is real.. ..no wonder the kids are confused.

   The Home Office have declined my passport renewal on the grounds they cannot except 'It's complicated' as a marital status.

   A pizza is a pie chart that shows you exactly how pizza you have eaten and how much is left.

   My Dad told me all the kinds of girls I should stay away from. I think my Dad overestimates my options.

   I'm sane with you, I'm just not insane with you.

   Women are the original autocorrect.

   If strippers are now called exotic dancers then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist

   Friends don't let friends make 'Harlem Shake' videos...

   so lazy today that I cant even finish a

   I went to an All You Can Eat buffet. It was $10.00. The guy acted all annoyed when I asked him what they had for $20.00.

   I have been informed that my problems now have problems...I find this to be problematic.

   NASCAR=National Assembly Of Super Crazy A$$ Rednecks

   I'm not an alcoholic, an alcoholic NEEDS a drink... I already have one

   In retrospect the old song "Here Comes the Hotstepper Murderer"... Brings Oscar Pistorious to mind.

   people who criticize today's song lyrics never listened to Blinded by the Light...