Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it's certain they will win.

   “I have never voted in my life... I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it's certain they will win.

   I have never voted in my life... I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it's certain they will win.

   What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common?....In each case there was an idiot who didn't take it out in time...

   Sorry, but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, a feather off a hawk and the blood of a unicorn.

   In Mother Russia, we don't shoot for the stars, the stars shoot for us

   Love and appreciate the effort, but we have to try harder,,, we are funnier than this.

   I don't sweat...Sweating is for people who do something.

   I can't really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I'm your man!

   Real friendship is lending your Facebook so they can stalk their ex.

   It must suck to be Spanish speaking person who doesn’t understand the English phrase “If you’d like to continue in Spanish…”

   South Korea's got Seoul.

   Capitalization is the difference between "helping your Uncle Jack off a horse" and "helping your uncle jack off a horse".

   Every time I give up something for Lent... my friends encourage me to break it... When I give up alcohol, they buy me drinks... when I give up sweets, they bring me candy... so this year I am giving up sleeping with women...

   I don't see what the big deal is with the Harlem shake. That's how I Boogie on a regular basis music or not. My GF says I have moves like Elaine whatever that means. So I must be really, really good :p Don't be Jelly

   Since they can't seem to find any fragments from the meteor, anybody else thinking it was Wonder woman drinking and driving again?

   What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.

   I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

   Why is everyone worried about meteors instead of the possibility that Russia just got their own Superman?

   n't it a shame that Isla m is such a fragile religion that the mere sight of Buddhist statues, Bibles or Barbie Dolls serve to threaten it's very existence?