Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Valentine's Day is for lovers. Or for people like us who will celebrate anything as long as there's slutty lingerie and saturated fats involved.

   I'm going to decorate a valentines box and take it to work tomorrow. I'm not going to answer anyone's questions until they give me a valentine...

   Well, tomorrows the day I get my job as a waiter again so I can slip fake engagement rings in every woman's drink just to watch the horror on all the guys faces.

   Million dollar idea: Chocolate Nerds called Urkels.

   In dog beers, I only had 1

   Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in a few before you find the one that's right for you.... and try to stay away from the ones that already have teethmarks in them....

   This will be my fourth year in a row being single on Valentine's Day. You guys call it "pathetic". I call it "forward thinking".

   I love St. Valentine's Day. Not the holiday, the massacre.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. A bag of weed is cheaper than a dinner for two.

   The best thing about VDay is the reese's peanut butter cups are ALWAYS fresh!

   The real St. Valentine was beaten, stoned and then beheaded...now that would make one hell of a Hallmark card...

   Roses are red, your body is fine, I know we just met, but your place or mine?

   Last night I tried talking to the moon pretending it was you. And just like you, it maintained a distance and didn't reply. :(

   Valentines Day - nobody shares a dam chocolate in the entired year and now you have to shove a hole box in a day - hypocrecy made chocolate

   Hey Febreze, the broken carnival ship would be a real good test for your commercial

   I booked a nice table for two, then she tells me she doesn't like snooker, wtf?

   Valentines claims another victim as the blade runner shots gf - twice, just because he couldnt beat last years gift...personally I think he has no leg to stand on!!...

   All those women out there that thought 'I wish my fella was hung like a horse'. The chances are you have had one in your mouth anyway.

   Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorious.

   Oscar Pistorius will plead not guilty, but I don't think he has a leg to stand on.