Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Rap is like scissors, it always loses to rock.

   I get a lot of, "Sir, if you're not gonna buy anything, you're gonna have to leave," as I creepily linger at Victoria's Secret for 2 hours.

   I like superheroes but I'd rather hang out with the villains.

   If you can't celebrate Valentine's Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.

   When we grow old and become mature enough to live happily, we die.

   Does Chris Dorner celebrate Ash Wednesday?

   I haven't got a Twitter account yet, so I just carry around a megaphone and announce what I'm doing at random times. I've got three followers so far - but I think two are cops...

   For lent I'm giving up my valentine ;-)

   I'm one excuse away from calling you.

   Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.

   Cruelty is contagious in uncivilized communities.

   new weight loss plan: eating pasta and then antipasta.

   Facebook has added a new feature. It's called "Log Out." Why don't you try it and take your negabot attitude with you.

   Being Single on Valentine's Day just reminds how pathetic some people are, and how awesome I still am for Being Single on Valentine's Day."

   Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.

   When I hear someone say "Valentimes" I wanna punch them in the throat.....it's an N for No wonder you're alone

   two types of woman out there on valentines day...those who just want a hallmark card...and those who want you to max out your visa card...

   Just sprayed the new Febreeze "Carnival Cruise" air fragrance throughout the home. Now the whole place smells like sh*t..

   Oh nooo just had a terrible dream where I was buying roses and chocolates for my Valentines's date. Thanks God it was just a dream!!!

   i'm prepping for Valentines day by eating a ton of Fiber.