Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Girl On Fire by Alicia Keyes would be a great theme song for a Vagisil commercial!

   BBQ at Bear Mountain

   I bet if pigs could fly, their wings would taste delicious!

   Valentine's Day: Reminding unhappy single people that they're unhappy & single since the 19th century.

   If I were Obama, I'd totally lead with "My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless."

   Being married for 20 years,,, our Valentine's gift to each other is usually staying awake past 8:30

   Hey,,,, I said I'd be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.

   I clicked on one of those " You've been unfriended by 3 people" messages,,,,,,,,,,, Now it burns when I post..

   Ever had garbage in one hand, but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand?..... Anyway, my grand-daughter's o.k.

   Google... sqrt(cos(x))*cos(300x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(6-x^2), -sqrt(6-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5

   Peeing after holding it in for over an hour is one of the best feelings that isn't taxed or illegal..

   DESPERATION is exactly what I look for in a woman.

   My wife asked me to take her out on Valentines Day, I did & now I’m headed to prison.

   You mean we can log off? Wait, what? You're kidding.

   I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.

   Some women scream when they try clothes on in fitting rooms, but that's probably because they weren't expecting to see me in there.

   I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I'm roofing.

   At my funeral, I want a homie to adjust my junk one last time. I'm not gonna rest peacefully if my balls are pinched between my legs.

   Can I just get a degree based on how many song lyrics I know?

   On Facebook, One man's trash is another man's steady source of naked pictures.