Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I WILL ALWAYS WEAR BLACK ON VALENTINES DAY.

   Onions think that they are ugly because you cry after you get them naked.

   Some guy knocked on my door today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour." I said, "You've got the wrong house then man."

   i am giving up giving up for Lent

   Chris Dorner must have been pretty serious about Ash Wednesday when he set fire to that house.

   A man overdosed on erectile dysfunction medication one night. He went out the hard way.

   I'm getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.

   A pizza delivery guy knocked on my door & said, "I have a pizza delivery for your next door neighbor but no one is answering the door!" I replied, "No worries they use my door as their backdoor..." and now I have a "Do not disturb" poster on my door.

   Coffee , because beating the crap out of people is illegal.

   No matter what, there will always be dirty thoughts of you floating around in people's heads somewhere.

   The only card I want for Valentine's is VISA.

   Remember ladies; When men give women roses they expect Tulips in return.

   My wife got a "mood ring" that turns green when she's happy,, and leaves a big red mark on my forehead when she's mad.

   So the Pope walks into a bar........ because now he can.

   No I don't think Christopher Dormer feels like Jason Bourne.......he feels more like bacon.

   Popup ads are the Jehovahs witnesses of the internet.

   I just passed a guy doused in Polo cologne. For those of you born after 1989, Polo was a popular cologne then.

   I'm giving up snow for lent

   Got my left hand an awesome Valentines card and vibrating glove.

   Got my right hand a Valentines Day card. Had to sign it with my left hand so it will be a surprise.