Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Reincarnation, evolution, whatever. At some point, Larry King was a possum.

   Found a Capri cigarette in my son's room and now I don't know what to be most upset about.

   I hate when people post pictures of broccoli and asparagus while I'm having a bucket of fried chicken and a Sprite.

   They should just make Sarah Palin pope. She can see heaven from her back yard.

   I've decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent....

   Happy Mardi Gras Everyone! now show me your boobs!!!! :)

   I am thinking todays topic with my psychiatrist is going to be "When someone asks me if I have a snow blower.....why do I always picture my ex and Frosty the snowman"

   Happy Mardi Gras! Laissez les bon temps Roule! And hopefully, when you wake up you don’t discover a Tattoo of "Beignets Rule" on your a$$.....do not ask me how I know this.

   When a woman asks you to come over and hang out, it doesn't mean sex. She just wants to talk about every guy she's liked that isn't you.

   Oh, you like camping? I like drinking outside too.

   Go on, drink your coffee like you have something important to do today.

   Apparently, "Press 1 for English" is now code for "Transfer me to someone in India who can fuc k this up for you in a big way"

   every Tuesday is "Fat Tuesday" at Wal-Mart.

   I put a message in a bottle and threw it in the Ocean. The note said "I have Tuberculosis and I coughed in this bottle"

   Every call from my mother is a judgment call.

   Breaking: Pope resigns to become head Scoutmaster for the Boy Scouts of America.

   it is so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

   congratulations to trayvon martin - almost one year staying out of trouble

   A horse walks into a bar. "Too late," says the bartender, "we're joking about the pope now."

   Want to make a good first impression on a guy? Ask questions about him, seem interested, listen, giggle and swallow.