Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Friday! There you are, you sexy son of a btich! We've been lookin for you since Monday!

   it's probably too late for booze in my coffee so I'm just going with booze...

   Facebooking is like drugs; It can cause illusions, delusions, silly courage, strength, and power.

   Dear Windshield Wipers, "Can't Touch This!!" ... Sincerely, The Little Triangle

   Dear Northern Liberal tree huggers.......Winter Storm Nemo says FU and your global warming!!!

   98% of my old High School friends here on Facebook used Math tutors to excel in class. The other 13% used me......

   Scooters are for men who want to ride motorcycles, but prefer to feel the wind on their girl parts.

   My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila. "You're coming home now!" she screamed. "No I'm not." I laughed. She said, "I'm talking to the kids."

   I wish there was a way to track down who got you sick so you can punch them in the face.

   Hey, just wanted to point out that Nemo is Omen backwards. I'm sure it's fine......

   I'm not "sitting alone at the bar," I'm a happy hour "first responder."

   I love Facebook because I can't afford gas for my car anymore so it's the only way I can visit with anyone now.

   My battery is about to di

   My dance style is best described as "is there a bee near me?"

   I don't care if your a 7 foot 10 Sasquatch of a man if you step on a kids Lego barefoot at 3am on the way to the bathroom you will squeal like a baby seal....fact....:)

   "I love you! See ya in about an hour!" - Me talking to my beer.

   Wayne Brady honoring black history month is like Nickelback inducting Zeppelin into the Rock n Roll hall of fame

   Since I just finished my 4th glass of this wonderful spirit, all status updates, texts, private messages, and voice mails from me are now considered null and void.

   Facebook makes stalking that special someone so much easier.

   Of course I’ve had my servings of fruit today. Coconut rum, pineapple-orange juice and maraschino cherries. There’s a bonus for combo fruits, right?