Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wanna f uck you so hard we both forget you're ugly.

   Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts.

   All clowns are serial killers. It's a fact.

   Nobody has criticized me yet today. I should call my ex-wife and say hello.

   Of course I'm looking for the right person, because they say opposites attract and I'm already wrong.

   My Bologna has a first name, but it ain't Oscar !

   I turned my "Panic room" into a "Hispanic room" so that I have a place to wear my sombrero without being ridiculed.

   My ex said she left me because of my short attention span. Unbeknownst to her I actually…damn that’s a cool ass word right? Unbeknownst.

   I'm black but not "talk loud all through your movie" black. HAHA JUST KIDDING I'M USING SIRI TO TYPE THIS TWEET DURING YOUR STUPID MOVIE!!

   I killed a man once, because killing him twice is a physical impossibility.

   I don't know much about art, but my favorite pictures have a man’s junk drawn on them...

   I’m a bad motherf ucker until someone hands me a puppy or a baby.

   If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on

   had an affair with a teacher once. Made sweet music in the band room, poetry during English class and you don't even want to know what we did in the multipurpose room.

   One thing I envy about women is never having to clean pee off the toilet seat.

   goes to strip clubs for the wings, used to read playboy for the articles and checks out your pictures because you have great taste in clothes.

   Some people carb load, I caffiene load, which is just a gateway load leading to tequila loading.

   Blizzard Survival Tip: If anyone in your household makes a "global warming" reference, throw them outside. It's the only way they'll learn.....

   Next time a fella says he wants to fight you just be like "Not in that outfit" and roller skate away.

   surprisingly, saying “Girl, you look good, won't you back that thang up, You'se a fine motherlover, won't you back that thang up” has not gotten me as much tail as you might think…