Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Lady Gaga wants her perfume to smell like blood & semen. If I wanna smell blood & semen I’ll punch Clay Aiken in the mouth!

   New study finds sex with condoms just as satisfying as without. Had Kanye West known this…

   My girlfriend said I treat her like she doesn't exist so I told her I didn’t even know I had a girlfriend.

   I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.

   if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, then have we found the perfect location for a nickelback concert

   If you can read this, you're not having sex either.

   stairs are always up to something...

   I need a volunteer to make sure when I die, my obituary reads: he laid down that boogie and played that funky music til he died.

   In honor of Black History Month... I plan to leave my kids and quit my job.

   What's up these Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercials promoting cannibalism?

   Hey idiots always telling everyone about your going to the gym; nobody cares that you go to the gym. NOBODY!

   I have a question. How is it that the man who wasn't good enough to wed your daughter, can somehow be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the world?

   When you're driving, and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the same time, there's no choice other than to drive off a cliff.

   At least my computer goes down on me

   I think the National Weather Service is a front for the National Grocery Association

   any sorority houses out there need me to deliver pizzas, clean the pool, fix the plumbing, etc???

   i have a really good feeling this is all just going to be rain!

   I just blocked someone for having the same name as my ex.. That's normal, right guys?

   Keep your friends close and your enemies in the basement.

   Aside from being hit and struck by a Smooth Criminal, how are you emotionally, Annie?