Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There is no polite way to suggest to someone that they have devoted their life to a folly.

   I think I'll score with the girl I met today. She told me I was very offensive!!

   I may not go down in history, but I will go down on your sister.

   Dear lord thankyou for these noodles i'm about to eat, ramen

   So... You don't hunt or fish, yet you buy camo and say you're country?? Hmm, maybe confused is a better word.

   It's better to have loved and lost, than live with the idiot for the rest of your life!

   kind of liking the new ads on Facebook!! said by no one...

   Instead of the silly names the weather channel has chosen, they should pick names of infamous scam artists like Bernie Madoff who pulled off really good snow jobs.

   With Valentine's Day a week away does anyone know of a good Cemetery I can get flowers at .....??

   My signature move is pulling up my pants with a police flashlight shining in my face.

   When the ATM printed out the receipt showing my account balance, I really don't think the LOL at the end was necessary.

   Awkward is when you're dancing with a girl and she bends over so you can grind it, then realize she dropped an earring and no one in the Starbucks can hear your iPod but you...

   The boy who used to bully me in grade school still takes my lunch money,,,,,,on the plus side, he never forgets to ask me if I want to upsize my fries.

   I miss complaining about the summer heat.

   Would someone please stop the earth from spinning? I'd like to get off.

   "Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook....yes, I'll hold"....

   all I want for my birthday is a big booty call

   I would like to give a huge shout out to all the baby mommas that got or will git all that tax money this year Holla.........

   Awake √ breathing √ blessed √ Thankful √. God is good

   The search for Friday night is followed much too quickly by the discovery of Monday morning.