Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm not redneck enough to bang a cousin, but I'm redneck enough to have thought about it.

   Throw a boomerang so far you forget about it, years later it hits you in the head at a fancy dinner party.

   Jesus, Alicia Keys! Are you just going to stand there singing about it, or are you going to help the poor girl?!? GET A BUCKET OF WATER THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!

   Whenever I get called into my boss's office, my entire Facebook career flashes before my eyes.

   I don't steal my p osts from song lyrics! Seriously. Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here.

   Why can't we just have Shark Month and Black History Week?

   Looks like Chris Brown faked his community service. Guess he's trying to beat the system too.

   STD = She's That Dirty

   Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials bause I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies.

   Hey,,, I used to play bass for "50 cent" when he was known as "two dimes and a nickle"

   Today, I heard on the radio that Lucasfilm was working on a movie featuring Yoda. Can you imagine writing 90 minutes of dialog for Yoda? Insane the writers will be going.

   I wonder if Jeremy Irons ever quietly laughs to himself while he's ironing.

   The Postal Service should have Lance Armstrong deliver Saturdays mail for free....

   The intellectual level of this status update has been deliberately diminished for your comprehension.

   can't think of anytime to put as a status right now. If you could write my status for me, what would you put?

   i don't drink alcohol, I drink distilled spirits, so I'm not an alcoholic I'm spirtual

   There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....

   I have no problem with a little junk in the trunk.... as long as there is no junk in the front!

   I really wasn't planning on drinking all that beer this evening. The pretzels made me do it.

   it looks like all the insurance companies are trying to see who can have the worst commercials...