Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I am terrible at making comparisons. I guess I'm alot like a taco that way.

   I never got any good mail on Saturday anyway.

   "Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.

   My computer is frozen up... and it looks like moving my mouse around in circles will not fix the problem.

   Does Krystal accept Valentines day reservations for one?

   So they found Richard III under a parking lot. We wil probably find Hoffa under a church.

   Yes I feel great this morning. Thank you wine netti pot.

   FYI: Donkeys just call them hats.

   If a guy ever gave birth to a baby,,, I would pay him $1000000 to go on TV and tell the world "meh,,, it hurt,, but not like that much"

   when I am bored, I like to park on the side of the freeway and stick a blow dryer out the window and watch the cars slam on their brakes

   If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape!

   Why do some parents always talk about how much they love their kids but the kids live 500 miles away with the other parent?

   "Sometimes, women are so sensitive! Very nicely, I asked the woman sitting next to me if I could smell her armpits. "NO!" she exclaimed. I said, "Well, it must be your feet then." Now she's looking for something large to hit me with ツ

   USA is home of the Free? it's expensive to live here, my taxes just doubled!!!

   Snooki is a star! Huge and full of gas.

   FACEBOOK - Keeping your fakeness public since 06'...

   At least he died doing what he loved: texting while driving.

   Do these pants stuck halfway up my thighs, cutting off my circulation, make me look fat?

   My hair looks like I've had rigorous sex, but in reality I lost my brush a week ago.

   Girls, holding in your farts has got to be an even more nerve wrecking dilemma when your man is spooning you right?