Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Monsters Inc 2 is coming out in 2013 move out of the way kids, I've been waiting 10 f-king years for this.

   The only footsteps I would follow are those of a landmine deactivation technician...

   PSY does the gangnam style dance so much...don't you think he should've lost some weight by now?

   PSY will be having a concert in the Philippines... WTF!! is he gonna sing Gangnam Style for 2 hours???

   If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.

   Been watching these 2 black guys shake hands for the past 28 minutes.

   this girl I'm seeing on the side must think I'm a weatherman 'cause she keeps asking if the coast is clear...

   its hard to get stoked about a soccer game that's 3 hours long and ends 1-1...

   I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.

   Keep calm and reject all Chefville invites

   not single; is just waiting for his girlfriend to quit playing hide and seek.

   Soccer: 90 minutes of no strategy, no intrigue, and no scoring.

   My dad gets to Bing by searching for it with Google!................... ( That is ALL you need to know )

   It’s insulting that 1-800-proflowers think we men can be guilted into ordering flowers for our…gotta go, only 1 caller ahead!!

   The MVP award last night should've been given to that kid from the Audi commercial. He was the player with the biggest balls.

   Hey ACCESS. the GO DADDY commercial may have made last place for likes and it was inappropriate for family viewing and was outright disturbing...way to go GO DADDY, it was the most successful add, most talked about!

   I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.

   Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.

   pedophile: Get in the van I have candy. me: No! pedofile:I have free wifi too! me:Where would you like me to sit?

   accidently took my wife's menopause medicine last night,.... woke up at 2:30 a.m with an irresistible urge to slap the crap outta myself and tell me to go to my Dog house ....so here I am....