Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just saw a caveman today. Okay fine, I saw a guy who was sitting on a bench reading a book. Same thing to me.

   If you listen to your heart please see a doctor cause it isn't normal for a piece of meat to be speaking to you.

   If you ever get butterflies in your stomach, maybe you shouldn't have swallowed those caterpillars.

   sneezing while brushing your teeth is not a good way to start your day...

   Ron Jeremy is in the hospital... I think I've seen that one before on Redtube.

   a relationship between two person should be like the relationship between the hand and the eye. If the hand gets hurt, the eye cries, and if the eye cries, the hand wipes its tear.

   Silence doesn't always mean 'Yes'. Sometimes it means "I'm tired of explaining to people who don't even care to understand."

   We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!

   I just found out that all the people who say "You haven't changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)

   once you learn how to be happy, you won't tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.

   With all the crazy things I've done and survived, I'm convinced its because God has a special purpose for me and doesn't want me to die yet. Although, more and more, I get the impression its just because He needs a laugh every now and then.

   If you're skinny already why the heck are you trying to diet ? What are you trying to lose ? Your life ?

   Fair play to Beckham for giving his wages to a children's charity, but lets not forget Rooney has been giving his to the elderly for years.

   Studies have shown that people who masturbate have longer lives then the people who dont... Guess that means my a$$ is living forever...

   Arguing with a person who has rejected the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.

   so many hotties... and they're all freaking scared of me!

   If Ron Jeremy can suck his own d!ck, he can survive a stupid heart aneurism.

   every time I hear someone say 1993, I still think it was only 10 years ago...

   if I was a beer, I'd drink me,,,

   Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.