Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Women cant play football, well because no women like wearing the same outfit as other females!

   pick up line of the day: thank you for being absolutely beautiful.

   So your neighbors having 3pm afternoon sex next door loud, and your best solution is turning up your porn louder to send them a msg?

   There's something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs....

   has an easy solution for anyone who hasn't been laid in a long time - conjugal visits.

   Listen. If you're ever asked if you've taken deer antler extract, "No. Never." isn't quite as convincing as "WTF is deer antler extract?"

   I took some deer antler extract once. Made me horny...

   Stop trying to make small talk with me in an elevator. It's 2013, .... Stare at your phone like a normal person.

   ‎The vastness that is the universe is within everyone's grasp, if they but only have the vision to see beyond its infinite yet attainable horizons.(I wanted to see how full of it I could get)

   For being clones of a supposed badass, Stormtroopers can't aim worth a crap.

   I use to wonder what'd it be like to read other people's minds....I got Facebook and now I am over it!!

   bulletproof vest on my chest so I can't get shot by cupid

   Ya know... statisically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy...

   old woman is having breakfast with elderly husband when she says 'LET'S GO UPSTAIRS AND HAVE SEX" he replies "PICK ONE,I CAN'T DO BOTH"

   i found a sexy person who I love very much.... it's a shame i'm not allowed to marry myself

   never bet on a horse named (TRIPOD)

   I am just one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

   Remember, when booking a cruise its not which cruise ship to go on, its which 3rd world country you would like to go to.

   gonna have a zoo in my backyard so I'm never lonely

   It pains me when I look on one side of the world and see people with nothing to eat and starving to death and on the other side I see selfish people eating more than their bodies require and die from obesity-related complications.