Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I haven't been this bored since Everlast told me his life story.

   The gym manager just gave me a dirty look....Apparently, reverse cowgirl is not an appropriate way to ride the exercise bike.

   Groupie: Hi. My name's Candi. I'm not a groupie. I'm a friend of the band. Band guy: Wanna $crew? "Friend Of The Band": Okay.

   On a positive note..... North Korea can only reach the west coast, nobody cares about them anyways.

   ME … What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you ? My Wife... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

   I'm old, but I'm not "has friends that have died from natural causes" old.

   Please stop suggesting that we should work out. We don't tell you to go back to school and take 1st grade spelling.

   "My boyfriend this. My boyfriend that. My boyfriend is cooler than you. My boyfriend bought me stuff" - girls that I hate

   anybody else worried about this North Korea threat. I've been nuked in "Empires and Allies" and that didn't turn out so well. This might be worse...

   Can't Brad and Angelina just adopt North Korea?

   Leave it to a collection of random motherf uckers I've never met to make me feel less like shi t, I love you guys

   Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.

   Doesn't North Korea understand that these grand threats will result in a harsh musical rebuke from Toby Keith?

   Ashley Madison is my favorite cheating website named after the two most spoiled girls in every 4th grade class.

   Even though she never existed, Brent Musberger is hoorny for Manti Te'o dead girlfriend.

   I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food. I'm not even sure where sandwiches live.

   Guys like it when girls go commando, so I assassinated a Nicaraguan dictator.

   Sometimes all you need in life is some really good sex.

   You know, Microsoft, if you had called it Bang instead of Bing, you'd have destroyed Google. Example: I just Banged Catherine Zeta Jones.

   'North Korea threatens new nuclear test.' Pfft... Lets be honest, have you ever owned anything made in Korea that worked?